“Resilience, n. The quality or fact of being able to recover quickly or easily from, or resist being affected by, a misfortune, shock, illness, etc.,: robustness …”

Oxford English Dictionary

When I became a mum, I thought I had resilience all figured out.

I mean, I’d handled high-pressure jobs, a career change, a Master’s degree while working full-time, tight deadlines and work projects.

I’d handled a number of health issues — looking at you, eczema and allergies! — I moved interstate on my own, traveled the globe, competed in countless fun runs, marathons and sprint, Olympic and iron distance triathlons — including the IRONMAN 70.3 World Championship in South Africa — and even managed to keep a plant or two alive for more than a year.

But parenting?

Now that’s a whole different ball game!

It’s more like a marathon with random hurdles and surprise sprints thrown in for good measure.

There’s no coach, no warm-up, and the only training is right in the thick of it.

So here’s what I learned about resilience in this rollercoaster called motherhood.

1esson 1: adaptability is your super power

Before becoming a mumma, I liked schedules, to-do lists, and a certain amount of order.

And while she’s an exceptionally good kid, sometimes it feels like Miss A didn’t quite get that complete memo!

Take sleep for example: Some nights she goes off to sleep like, well, a dream while other nights she’ll stage a one-woman protest!

When I became a mumma, I very quickly learned to let go of “perfect plans” and embrace the unpredictable.

Resilience, I realised, is about bending, not breaking.

It’s about saying, “Okay, plan A didn’t work. Let’s try B, C, or just skip to Z and see what happens!”

lesson 2: sleep is overrated (well, kind of!)

We all know sleep is key to physical and mental health.

But when you’ve had broken sleep for as long as your little one has been earthside — looking at you 2AM feeds and those fun midnight “search-for-the-dummy” sessions! — you quickly learn to power through the fog and haze of sleep deprivation.

Sometimes I wonder if I’ll ever feel completely rested again. Hmm …!

But remember: caffeine is there for a reason and seeing that oh so cute, cheeky baby smile and those adorable baby giggles, well … those special moments with Miss A, they make it all worth it!

So, being a mumma has taught me a different type of resilience – a tired but determined version of myself that’s now able to survive on 3/4/5 hours of sleep and still manage to somehow function, while finding the funny side to it all!

lesson 3: you’ll learn to laugh. laugh a lot!

Motherhood isn’t all glowing Instagram moments.

No kidding!

There are baby spew disasters right before you’re meant to leave the house, diaper explosions in public, and the odd moment where you realise you’ve gone to the supermarket without a bra on …

…Well, not really the last one … because your boobs flopping about free in the wind is a little too painful to forgo said bra, especially when you’re in the thick of breastfeeding! But you get my point!

In these moments there’s nothing left to do but laugh!

Honestly … just laugh … at yourself … your baby … your husband … the spew and poo explosion … at EVERYTHING!

Laughter has quickly become another secret weapon in my postpartum resilience kit.

I mean, what else are you going to do … kill your husband cry?

So, I discovered that the more I could laugh things off — yes, sometimes hysterical laughing fits like a lunatic! — the less overwhelming they felt.

And not only has laughter helped diffuse many tense, overwhelming, meltdown-inducing situations, but during those moments of often uncontrollable laughter I’ve discovered Miss A quickly catches onto the giggles and very soon we’re all (husband included) laughing together, at the madness of it all!

So, laugh. Laugh A LOT! It’s good for the soul.

lesson 4: there’s no shame in asking for help

At the start of my postpartum journey, I thought I had to do it all myself.

Asking for help felt like admitting defeat.

And because I had some issues with separation anxiety following my c-section, I was convinced that if I didn’t do EVERYTHING on my own a) Miss A would forget all about me and b) Miss A would somehow be taken away from me.

Irrational? Yes. But oh so very real at the time.

But thankfully I quickly realised that resilience doesn’t mean doing everything solo.

Resilience is knowing when to lean on others.

And noone is going to take Miss A away!

I learnt to let family members pitch in, to let husband help, to accept a friend’s offers to come over for visits, and to feel grateful (not guilty) for every moment of support.

Resilience is often a team effort, and that’s okay!

lesson 5: trust yourself

In a world full of parenting (sometimes a lot of the time unsolicited) advice, it’s easy to feel like you’re doing it all wrong.

But here’s the thing – no one knows your child like you do.

As a lifelong people-pleasing, second-guesser, trusting myself and my mummabear instincts is something I struggled with initially.

But overtime, I’ve learnt to trust these instincts, even if they don’t match the latest “must-do” advice.

I’ve learnt to make choices that feel right for me and my baby, and each one has made me feel stronger.

Resilience comes from trusting that you’re enough, just as you are.

TRUST. YOUR. SELF. MUMMA!

lesson 6: embrace the mess

I used to think resilience was about keeping it all together – the tidy house, the organised schedule, the Instagram-worthy life.

But becoming a mumma quickly taught me that resilience sometimes means embracing chaos.

Toys all over the floor, dishes piling up, washing not done – I learned that sometimes, letting things get a little messy is OK.

Sorry but go away, Marie Kondo. Now is NOT the time, OK?!

Instead of stressing, I started seeing these messes as signs of a life being fully lived.

Mess means I have J and that Miss A is here! It means LIFE … in its full, messy, glory and I’d rather have the mess than a perfect but empty house. Amirite?!

It reminded me that resilience is less about controlling everything and more about focusing on what really matters.

lesson 7: self-care is a non-negotiable

One of the most important lessons I’ve learnt about resilience is that it’s so important, especially as a mumma, to take care of yourself.

Self-care isn’t selfish! You don’t need to be dedicating EVERY LAST DROP OF ENERGY to your baby!

Following some ongoing postpartum health issues with ongoing reflux and burning mouth, I’ve realised self-care isn’t a luxury — it’s ESSENTIAL!

As the old adage goes: If you don’t have time for self-care you’ll soon have to find the time for doctor’s visits! (Or something along those lines!)

These days, when I take time out to do my run, enjoy a moment savoring a cup of coffee, or just breathe deeply, I’m a better, calmer, and more present mumma.

Resilience is about filling up my own tank so I can show up more fully for Little Miss A.

So here I am, a little a lot sleep-deprived BUT a lot more adaptable, and infinitely more resilient than I ever thought possible.

Motherhood isn’t easy, but it’s taught me that I’m stronger than I ever imagined – and that’s a lesson I’ll carry with me for life.

And a lesson I’ll DEFINITELY be passing onto Miss A!

I’m here everyday, ready to tackle the chaos with a mix of love, laughter, and determination.

x G.

Margaret Mielczarek

editor, journalist, digital content creator with a background in nutrition & dietetics.