Admittedly, I’m not one to comment on social media.
I’m not one for unnecessary drama and certainly not up for debating with strangers over the internet.
But signing oh my gosia up to the social media platform, ‘Threads’ (@ohmygosiablog), the other day I resolved to become a little bit more involved – to interact with other users (particularly other blogs/websites/media outlets), to voice my opinion.
Voicing my opinion and standing by what I’ve said hasn’t always come easy or naturally to me — a people pleaser from way back! 🙂
During one early morning ‘milk pumping’ session – once Little Miss A was changed/fed/burped and back in her cot asleep – as I scrolled through the various social media platforms I’m on, including now ‘Threads’, I came across a post by Women’s Agenda linking to an article on their site titled, ‘I took Sheryl Sandberg’s advice and leaned in. It didn’t work’.
Having just finished Lean In by Sheryl Sandberg – the book referred to in this article – this post immediately got my attention.
What do you mean ‘it didn’t work’? The advice in the book is great!’ Was my immediate reaction. I felt quite defensive of the concept of ‘leaning in’.
Basically, the author of the article, Aislinn Martin, comments on the notion of leaning in, particularly in terms of career progression, saying:
“As a member of Generation X, I swallowed the story, hook line and sinker that hard work and persistence was enough.”
“What happened to me after many years of leaning in? Well, nothing really. There were no ‘taps on the shoulder’, no promotions, no head hunting by recruiters and negligible financial rewards.”
Martin ends her article with advice to younger women in the workforce, saying it’s important not to centre your whole world – your whole identity – around your career and career progression, “whatever it is [that] pays the bills”.
“You are so much more and don’t need validation through your employment. And only lean in if you really want to, not because you think you should,” she writes.
While I completely agree with the notion of maintaining work-life balance and not putting excessive emphasis on one aspect of your life – especially career progression if it comes at the cost of everything else, especially time with family/friends and your health! – there’s more to Sandberg’s book, Lean In than just the surface career advice.
And as a caveat, I’m a little late to the ‘Lean In’ party so not completely across the controversy and wide-ranging opinions this book triggered back in 2013. It appears Sandberg and her book have been quite polarising … something that become very evident on the Threads post I mentioned earlier.
Anyhoo … back to the Threads post.
Inspired by a lot of the messages in Lean In (and not aware of the past controversy surrounding the book), I decided to comment:
“There are so many other valuable messages beyond leaning into career,” I wrote.
“E.g., Having a voice … self-confidence … authentic communication … and most important: having balance, prioritising leaning into wherever you’re at in life … To me, the messages in the book go beyond leaning into one’s career and can be applied to all aspects of life. So, I wouldn’t discount it.”
What was soon apparent was the number of comments following — comments not necessarily in favour of the advice shared in the book.
Despite its polarising impact on readers, I stand by my comment and the valuable lessons in the book – and stand by the view that the lessons can be applied to every aspect in life, not just career and career progression.
leaning into the lessons
J first introduced me to Lean In by Sheryl Sandberg last year (2023) while we were perusing through Borders Bookstore at one of the local malls near where we live.
I was aware of who Sandberg from having viewed her TED Talk, ‘Why we have too few women leaders’ but had never read (or had not heard about) her book:
Scanning the shelves for a new book to read, J suggested Lean In because he had read it and thought it had useful advice and because it would be a great topic of conversation at an upcoming wedding we had been invited to and would be attending later that year.
J’s good friend – the bride – is a big fan of the book, and another one of her friends, also a fan, had even started a Lean In Circle (networking for women) after reading the book.
We bought the book, and I basically devoured it!
Inspired by some of the messages in the book – messages and advice you can apply to all aspects of life, not just career – I couldn’t put it down.
So, what are some of the key lessons I took away from reading Lean In?
- Overcoming self-doubt and developing self-confidence – the confidence to use your voice, to voice your opinion. You have a right to ‘sit at the table’, whatever that table might be. You have a right to use your voice, to have an opinion – and your opinion is valid, you’re not an imposter (hello, imposter syndrome!). Don’t underestimate yourself. As Sandberg writes, “[…] in order to continue to grow and challenge myself, I have to believe in my own abilities.”
- Don’t downplay your achievements just to fit in or to be liked. Be confident in what you’ve achieved, in what you know, in your ability. Stand by your ability, knowledge, and achievements, don’t minimise them (there’s a time and place for self-depreciating humour, this isn’t it!), have respect for yourself. If you have respect for yourself, chances are others will, too. And remember, you can’t please everyone, and you don’t have to please or be liked by everyone! “In order to protect ourselves from being disliked, we question our abilities and downplay our achievements, especially in the presence of others. We put ourselves down before others can.”
- Communicate authentically, with respect. Learn to speak your truth in a way that’s appropriate and authentic. You don’t have to be brutal in delivering your opinions and your truths. Speaking your truths doesn’t have to be done in a way that hurts or brings down others. “Authentic communication is not always, but it is the basis for successful relationships at home and real effectiveness at work.”
- You can’t do it all, so lean into whatever season you’re in. You can’t do it all! Thinking you can, will only lead to disappointment and burnout. It’s important to learn to focus your attention and ‘lean in’ to whatever season you’re in. For me right now, that’s raising Little Miss A. 12 months of maternity leave. 12 months dedicated to baby! And I choose to dedicate this time to family knowing full well that right now, I can’t juggle both work and new-mum responsibilities. And that’s completely fine with me. Decide ‘what matters and what doesn’t and learn to be a perfectionist only in the things that matter’.
So, while Sandberg and her book, Lean In may have had a polarising effect (and evidently continues to do so), that’s not reason to discount the book and its messages.
Because some of the messages in Lean In are valuable to all aspects of life and by ‘leaning out’ and discounting the book based on popular opinion, you may just be missing out!
choosing to lean in
In all my experiences (career and otherwise) I’ve tried to ask myself:
What could I have done better? How can I better myself through this experience? What is this experience teaching me? How can I do better next time?
Be better – do better.
And that starts with self!
I’m also an adopter of the ‘control the controllable’ mindset – one of the many lessons I gained through triathlon and long-distance running.
I can’t control what others do, say, think – I can only control what I do, say, think … how I respond to a situation.
Do I grow or do I shrink? Do I wither away in the grasp of victim mentality? Or do I lean into self-empowerment and resilience through this experience?
Whatever that experience may be.
The way I see it you can either lean into growth and opportunity or you can choose to lean out.
Just don’t lean out and discount something too quickly because there may be valuable lessons you miss out on!
I for one, choose to lean in.
x G.
editor, journalist, digital content creator with a background in nutrition & dietetics.
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