Earlier this morning while scrolling through Instagram, as the sun came up and Little Miss A slept in her cot beside me, I came across a post from British Vogue that caught my attention.
It was a post linking to their latest ‘Ask Eva’ article, “How do I tell my friends to leave their kids at home when we meet up?”
And after a couple of well … disappointingly … failed catch-ups during my recent trip to Melbourne, this post got me thinking:
How can we stay connected with our friends while journeying through new life stages, particularly in the postpartum period?
The postpartum period and everything it ensues–physically, mentally, socially, emotionally.
The answer to this question is complex, nuanced, with many shades of grey.
Navigating friendships as a new mother is complex and deeply personal.
The postpartum period brings with it a whirlwind of changes—physical, mental, social, and emotional—that affect how and when we connect with friends.
There isn’t a one-size-fits-all solution, just as there isn’t in motherhood.
But it does require sensitivity, open communication, understanding, and compromise from both sides.
For friends without kids—or those with older children—it’s important to be mindful of (and to remember) where a new mum might be in her postpartum journey.
Rather than getting frustrated by the lack of child-free catch-ups, try to understand her emotional state. Is she ready to leave her baby at home for a night out?
For me, during my Melbourne trip, I wasn’t quite there yet, and unfortunately it led to some missed opportunities to reconnect with friends.
As I scrolled through the comments on the post, one suggestion stood out: Instead of getting bitchy and frustrated, why not offer to come over after bedtime with a bottle of wine?
Now, that’s a catch-up I’d be ready for!
It’s equally important for new mums, like me, to recognise where our friends are coming from.
Our friends most likely have good intentions and miss the old times just as much.
Openly discussing the challenges and explaining that the postpartum period won’t last forever can ease any tension.
Soon enough, those carefree catch-ups over a wine or a couple of cocktails—Cosmos, anyone?—will resume.
At the end of the day, transitioning through different life stages doesn’t mean you have to say goodbye to friendships.
While it can be disappointing when overdue catch-ups–sans kids— haven’t happened, true friends will understand, and strong friendships will endure.
And to my ‘no kids or older kids’ friends: It’s worth the wait.
Because I promise you, when I’m emotionally ready, I will want to come out and play again.
x G.
Feature image: Photo by ELEVATE.
editor, journalist, digital content creator with a background in nutrition & dietetics.
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