navigating motherhood & inspiring women to do great things

The first book I’m reading as part of my newly created, ‘gosia’s book club‘ is the New York Times bestseller, Bring Up Bébé by Pamela Druckerman.

To briefly recap, one of my goals this year is to ‘read more in 2024!’, which is the reason behind the online book club. Making it public helps with staying accountable and on track with the goal (hopefully!).

Anyhoo, back to the book.

It’s essentially a light-hearted parenting book, which, as I mentioned in a previous post, is a perfect read at the moment with baby being here and all.

Reading the book the other day, I came across a segment that confirmed something I had noticed during family dinners and get-togethers with J’s family.

“Ah-huh! I knew I my observation was right!”

Basically, what I’d noticed, especially on meeting J’s family (both immediate and extended) is the ease with which all family members convers and interact during mealtimes at the dinner table — including the kids!

There’s no “kids table” — everyone sits together.

And everyone is expected to engage in meaningful, polite conversation … including the kids!

There’s no ‘coat-tailing’ and hiding behind the adults.

There’s no sitting in silence … muted because you don’t know what to say.

Kids, as much as the adults, are drawn into and encouraged to engage in the conversation and overall mealtime experience.

And the reason this stood out to me is because I don’t remember things being quite like that when I was growing up.

In fact, I remember being so incredibly shy as a child that there’s no way I’d even imagine conversing with the adults. I mean, what would I say!

I have this memory thinking to myself once, “How do adults know what to say to each other?”

Plus, at family get-togethers, there was definitely a ‘kids table’!

Thinking about it — and I’m not having a dig at my upbringing, I promise — the simple act of having a ‘kids table’ and that segregation between kids and adults didn’t exactly create an environment conducive to learning the art of conversation from a young age.

And it all starts with hello …

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it starts with, ‘hello’

Conversing and developing the art of conversation is basically what’s talked about to in the book, Bringing Up Bébé — the ‘importance of bonjour’.

Saying bonjour — a basic hello — “is a central part of being French”, writes Druckerman.

“It’s crucial to say bonjour … bonjour acknowledges the other person’s humanity … it helps kids learn that they’re not the only ones with feelings and needs … it avoids selfishness … saying bonjour signals to the child, and to everyone else, that she’s capable of behaving well.”

“It sets the tone for the whole interaction between adults and children.”

In fact, saying bonjour is such an important part of the basic social rules in France that being shy is no excuse not to say it!

Saying bonjour helps break down the walls of shyness and provides confidence to continue the interaction with the other person.

And the way I see it, instilling the importance of saying bonjour — that basic hello — from a young age is incredibly valuable.

It provides a social foundation for children, setting them up well for adulthood — it builds effective and confident communication skills.

It provides an environment in which children from a young age can learn to express themselves with confidence to anyone they interact with.

And this is something I’m super keen on instilling in baby as soon as she’s able to speak and starts to interact verbally with those around her!

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dis bonjour á la dame!

Chuffed with my discovery and that my observations had been confirmed, I brought this up with J (who is French) the other day.

He tells me that while he can’t really remember ever being taught that he had to say bonjour as such, it’s definitely something instilled in kids early on using phrases such as ‘dis bonjour á la dame’ (‘say hello to the lady’).

The phrase ‘dis bonjour á la dame’ is such a big part of French culture that it’s transcended its literal meaning. It’s become an idiom of early education.

Afterall, J says, there’s a French comic, Let Petit Spirou titled, ‘Dis Bonjour Á La Dame!’, a children’s book by Sylvie Baussier and Caroline Dall’ava also titled ‘Dis Bonjour Á La Dame’ … various songs with said title … a blog and a movie all referring back to the same concept: the importance of bonjour!

There’s even a shop in Paris called ‘Dis Bonjour Á La Dame’!

The way I see it, the French are certainly onto something by instilling the importance of bonjour from a young age.

It’s a thread that clearly runs through the fundamentals of being French and one that’s worth extending to everyone, whether French or not.

Because let’s face it: the world would be a much better place if we all learnt to communicate.

x G.