learning the language of love

At work the other day we were talking about The 5 Love Languages.

It stemmed from me excitedly anticipating a package I was expecting from J, which was due to be delivered to my unit that day.

The package from J would be waiting for me at home and when I eagerly brought it up at lunch (on our drive to get sushi) Emily said: “Oh, your language of love is definitely ‘receiving gifts’.”

Maybe, I wondered.

But I do also really love physical touch … and quality time … and acts of service …

“Well, of course we all like bits of all the love languages,” Emily said, “ but it’s about knowing what your dominant language is.”

Right. Got it.

Admittedly, I haven’t read the book, The 5 Love Languages. I’ve heard about it and have considered buying it when at the bookstore.

It’s something J brought up when we first started chatting.

But I was curious to learn more, so I took a little peak at The 5 Love Languages website.

‘A little insight into our differences’

According to the website, The 5 Love Languages can help you “discover the secret” that will help you “strengthen and improve your relationships – one language at a time”.

Describing the book, of the same name, the website says that we all “express and receive love in 5 different ways, called love languages”.

These are: “quality time, words of affirmation, gifts, acts of service and physical touch”.

“The sooner you discover your language and that of your loved one, the sooner you can take your relationship to new heights”, the website continues.

It starts with a quiz

Perusing the website, it’s clear they want you to “learn your love language” by taking a quiz.

Interested in gaining some insight? You have four quiz options that include:

  • The couples quiz;
  • The singles quiz;
  • The teens quiz;
  • And even the children’s quiz.

Naturally, I did ‘The couples quiz’.

After answering a few background questions (age, gender, whether you’ve read the book by New York Times bestselling author, Dr Gary Chapman, or not) there are about 30 scenarios to get through.

The scenarios all basically start with: “It’s more meaningful to me when …”

For example: It’s more meaningful to me when …

A: My partner doesn’t check his/her phone while we’re talking.

B: My partner goes out of their way to do something hat relieves pressure on me.

Definitely A. I was once with a guy who was GLUED to his phone, #douche! A story for another time.

Result time

So, according to the quiz I’m:

  • 30% Quality time

Quality time is my dominant love language.

Apparently, I’m all about full, undivided attention. We’re talking TV off, knife and fork down … phone definitely down. Full, undivided attention is apparently what makes me feel “truly special and loved”.

According to the description I received on completing the quiz: “Distractions, postponed dates, or the failure to listen can be especially hurtful. Quality time also means sharing quality conversation and quality activities”.

The rest of my love language is made of:

  • 20% words of affirmation;
  • 20% physical touch;
  • 17% receiving gifts;
  • 13% acts of service.

Sounds about right, I’d say.

To learn more about your love language, visit: 5lovelanguages.com/

So, what do you speak when it comes to love?

x G.

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